how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
