am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
