So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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