dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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