she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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