When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
