Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
