tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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