ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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