I only kidnapped one of them. chill
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
