dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
