a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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