all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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