Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
