He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
