4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
