he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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