Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
