i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
this is an emotional support booty call
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
