a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
