OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize