I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
