I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Randomize
