three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
