I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
