the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
