Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize