Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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