we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize