i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
