My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
