so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize