Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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