shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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