just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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