There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
