WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
