This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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