yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
