You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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