wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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