lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
