New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
