is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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