can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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