My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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