I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
