I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
