I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
