I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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