conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
