I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
