I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
