there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
