remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
