he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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