Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
