Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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