So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
