Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
