its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
