When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
