do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
