one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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