It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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