so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize