i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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