Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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