There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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