Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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